Sunday, February 1, 2009

Post No. 80: The Logistician’s Favorite "Short Story"



A frog walks into a bank, and promptly walks up to the teller, whose name is Patricia Whack.

"Good morning Ms. Whack," says the frog. "My name is Froggy Jagger, my Father is Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones, and I'd like to get a loan."

Ms. Whack, taken somewhat aback, inquires as to whether Froggy has any collateral.

Froggy reaches down and pulls up a brown, paper bag, which he promptly opens to reveal a delicate, pink, porcelain elephant.

Ms. Whack provides a polite, "Hmm, let me see," and indicates that she'll be right back.

She then walks into the office of the Branch Manager, Mr. Jones, and hesitantly reveals that, "There's a frog outside, sir, who claims that his Father is Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones, and he would like to get a loan, the collateral for which he has provided this porcelain elephant."

The Branch Manager displays a look of irritation for a few seconds, and then with clenched teeth utters:

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"It's a knick-knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

The Logistician refers to this type of joke as a “church joke,” namely one which can be told in church, or to grade school children. Now it’s your turn. Share with us your “short story” or “church joke.”

42 comments:

  1. no matter how many times i read it, i just don't get it. :|

    so slow. :|

    ~C.

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  2. Thanks for checking in hrix: We suspect that you may be a bit too young to recall the children's song, "This Old Man." We've located the lyrics for you and thus the punchline may make sense. You should note that the writer of the song is unknown.

    http://www.lyricsondemand.com/a/anonymouslyrics/thisoldmanlyrics.html

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  3. dear LOGISTICIAN.

    i got the lyrics and the punch line made sense. haha. :]]

    thanks for considering. :)

    keep safe.

    ~C.

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  4. hrix: More on "This Old Man." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_Old_Man

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  5. I'm appalled. Really. A grown man, someone I see as serious and stolid (I like that word) to relate a bit of silliness such as that.

    Great!

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  6. Here's some emotion Douglas, Neo and Hrix: WHERE ARE YOUR CHURCH JOKES! POST THEM!

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  7. I love a little silliness here and there. The post is cute and clever. :D

    http://musingsfromthehill.blogspot.com

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  8. Lynn: Thanks for visiting. Pls feel free, and ask your friends, to submit silly, juvenile jokes. We just had to start a discussion group on blogcatalog.com and request the submission of jokes!

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  9. Reg, Really! I suppose next you will come out with one that begins, "There was this duck....". BB





    It was cute. :) and Lord knows I am old enough to kno0w the song, BB

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  10. Thanks Brenda. Don't know whether you read the wikipedia piece on the song, but it's an interesting read.

    Brenda: Please share with us your "duck" joke.

    For everyone: You're killing us since you refuse to submit any juvenile jokes. Haven't you folks any children, grandchildren, or kids who you babysit? Ask them for jokes. We just had to start a discussion on blogcatalog.com in order to acquire some joke content.

    http://www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/submit-your-silly-juvenile-jokes

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  11. Oh, this is too good! I love it! Silly yes, and thank goodness!

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  12. Sheryl, and we thought that you would submit a joke of your own! We're now convinced that there is a conspiracy out there to prevent the submission of juvenile jokes for publication in response to this post. Well, I guess you'll just have to go to http://www.blogcatalog.com and look at all of the jokes being submitted by total strangers!

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  13. Puns are the greatest! Love 'em ... And since no one else has contributed, I will!

    Once there was a valley where a group of people called "Thids" lived. They wanted to explore the land beyond the hillside but when they climbed to the top, a mean giant would kick them back down to the valley.
    They decided to get a religious leader to take them to the summit in hopes that the giant would leave them alone.
    A priest took the lead and when they reached the top, the giant again kicked them to the valley below.
    Undaunted, they recruited a minister to lead them. Still, the giant kicked them down again.
    For their third effort, they had a Rabbi take the lead. When they reached the top the Giant kicked everyone off except for the Rabbi.
    "Why, Giant, did you not kick me to the valley as well?"
    The giant replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Thids!"

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  14. Thank you Iris. That one may even replace the one which the Logistician currently regards as his favorite. Additionally, you win the $1,000 prize, since you were the only person to submit a joke, and thus you had no competition.

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  15. Thanks for stopping by i do pr. Too bad that you missed the $1,000 prize awarded to Iris. Do visit often.

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  16. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great week.

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  17. This moral of the following story...it is often dangerous to lose the opportunity to remain silent.

    They were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
    Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. So they release the drunkard as well.
    The engineer is next. He too, decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says, " "Hey, I think the problem is that the cable is binding right here.... "

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  18. OK, my favorite is one my son's cousin used to tell...

    The famous American cowboy, Roy Rogers, went skinny dipping one fine summer day. A mountain lion came along and began knawing on Roy's brand new boots which he had carefully placed right by his trusty rifle on the shore. Outraged, the cowpoke could do nothing but yell and throw rocks from the stream bed as he watched his beautiful expensive boots demolished. On getting out of the stream, he went home, got an old pair of boots (not nearly so nice), whining all the time to his wife, Dale, and predicting dire consequences for the animal that dared treat his boots that way. After a solid lunch he and Dale went out looking for the cougar to revenge the loss of his boots.

    Not long after Roy was busily adjusting his saddle when Dale approached with a dead mountain lion slung across her pommel. She said sweetly, "Pardon me, Roy, is this the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

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  19. June: Thanks for your submission. You get the runner-up prize of $500.

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  20. Thanks Douglas. Finally folks actually submitted their jokes. Unfortunately, there's no more prize money available. However, we still enjoyed the joke.

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  21. Glad to see more jokes coming in - Thought I'd share this one I've been telling (much to the dismay of others) for years.

    A little boy was preparing for (and dreading) his first day of school. His mom walked him to the bus stop and was giving him a pep talk. As the bus arrived she said, "LOOK! It's got Sesame Street Characters painted on it - how neat!"
    "Awww mom, I'm too old for sesame street"
    When he returned at the end of the day, his mom met him at the bus stop. "How was your day?"
    "Awww mom, it was awful."
    Mom said, "I'm sure it wasn't that bad. How was the bus ride? Did you make any new friends"?
    "Well, at the first stop, these two fat girls got on the bus."
    "Honey, let's not say 'fat', let's say they were obese."
    "Well, whatever, they were both named Patty and I didn't like them."
    "Okay dear, did you meet anyone else?"
    "Yeah, then some retarded kid got on the bus and his name was Ross"
    "Sweetheart, he's 'special'"
    'Whatever, mom. Then at the third stop a kid named Louis Meeks got on the bus and sat with me."
    "Wonderful! So you DID make a new friend!"
    "Well, mom, I thought so until I found out he is weird too. He took off his shoes and started playing with his feet."
    "Maybe he has bunyons?" Mom said."Perhaps it will seem better tomorrow."
    "I don't know mom," said the little boy. "I just don't want to go back to school with ...."
    (are ya ready?)
    "Two obese Pattys, Special Ross, Louis Meeks picking his bunyons on a Sesame Street Bus."

    And, in case you missed the pun ...
    Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun

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  22. Iris: We laughed out loud last night when we first saw this via e-mail, and we're still laughing now that it has been posted. Thanks.

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  23. To All: Shortly after generating this post, we also started a discussion (under the Shameless Blog Promotion category) on

    http://www.blogcatalog.com

    under The Logistician's name, entitled "Silly, Juvenile Jokes." The snowball created an avalanche. If you wish to see a whole list of jokes, some not so juvenile, we recommend checking it out. It's quite entertaining.

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  24. Gotta take time to laugh out loud once in awhile!!

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  25. A similar joke:

    In vietnam in a very impoverished reason there was a feud between rice farmers. Cows from one farmer wandered onto the other and destroyed crops. Nothing changed after weeks of complaining, so one farmer hired a local hitman to kill the cow. Of course the hitman was as poor as the farmers with no gun or long knives, so he just had to make do with the hardest thing he could to hit the cow with: old porcelain figures.

    The police said it was the first case they'd seen of a Knick Knack Paddy Whack.

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  26. Matthew: Thanks for your submission. Nice use of "paddy."

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  27. I am delighted and very happy to have received a message from across the globe... to realize that my work is getting so far... and to be able to share my work with people in distant places...
    thanks a lot...
    and you are welcome to visit when you fell that wants to...

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  28. A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

    The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

    The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

    "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?

    "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

    "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

    "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously.

    "Well," said the pirate, "It was my first day with my hook."

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  29. Ooops. Forgot to give credit to my friend Gail in Milwaukee for the pirate joke. Thanks Gail!

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  30. Mark Lewis: Thanks for visiting us, and providing a link to your jokes blog. We will visit it often.

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  31. Mark Lewis: Thanks for visiting us, and providing a link to your jokes blog. We will visit it often.

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  32. I am delighted and very happy to have received a message from across the globe... to realize that my work is getting so far... and to be able to share my work with people in distant places...
    thanks a lot...
    and you are welcome to visit when you fell that wants to...

    ReplyDelete
  33. Gotta take time to laugh out loud once in awhile!!

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  34. June: Thanks for your submission. You get the runner-up prize of $500.

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  35. Iris: We laughed out loud last night when we first saw this via e-mail, and we're still laughing now that it has been posted. Thanks.

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  36. Oh, this is too good! I love it! Silly yes, and thank goodness!

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  37. I love a little silliness here and there. The post is cute and clever. :D

    http://musingsfromthehill.blogspot.com

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