Saturday, September 13, 2008

Post 41g: A Little Humor to Soothe the Savage Beast

A couple of weeks again, we ventured into some dangerous territory when we posted our article “Why Men Cheat.” The responses of our readers were, let us say, “intense.” The “spirited” discourse even lead the administrators over at to cancel our discussion of the subject, citing that it had become too “inflammatory.” Fortunately, the publication of a recent scientific study on the subject, along with the appearance on Oprah of an author who has written more extensively about the subject, took some of the heat off of us.

Just to show that we here at the Institute of Applied Common Sense do not take ourselves too seriously, and that we are willing to consider the views of others on issues of importance to our readers, we contacted a number of authorities on the subject of human propagation and asked them for their views on the subject of our article.

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Tom Clancy

“You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex? Me neither.” – Steve Martin

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” – Woody Allen

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” – George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.” – Sharon Stone

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what’s she’s reading.” – Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

“My Mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” – Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” – Barbara Bush (Former First Lady)

“Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams

“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.” – Roseanne Barr Arnold

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” – Billy Crystal

“According to a new survey, women say that feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.” – Robert De Niro

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” – Rod Stewart

FINALLY, on a serious note, we contacted the ultimate authority on this subject, Robin Williams, whose research, expressed in one sentence, summarizes what we spent eight pages trying to say:

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

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