Monday, March 16, 2009

Post No. 94a: A Little Comic Relief before the Storm


We suspect that our next post may generate some fairly intense comments. So, we decided to insert a little humor at this juncture. We can not vouch for the accuracy of the attributions for each one of these, but it is all just in fun.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

And the cardiologist's diet:
- If it tastes good spit it out.

12 comments:

  1. Hi,
    And thanks for stopping by my blog.
    one quote is better than the other.
    Thanks for sharing them. They all bring
    something to think about!

    JoAnn Donahue

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks much JoAnn. Check us out periodically.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Log, great stuff. However, I will approach your next post with trepidation. Is it really gonna be that scary?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Jonathan. We're not sure whether it will be that acrimonious or partisan, but there will be at least 27 different views / positions revealed. Very few people will find someone with whom they agree on this issue in its entirety.

    ReplyDelete
  5. At least 27 different views on the next post! Will I need to hit the peace pipe before squeezing my diminutive profile into that Bizarro reality?

    P.S. Thanks for the comment on my blog. I respect your "non goal oriented" philosophy, and my interest is piqued regarding a joint foray into mediocrity. Send me an e-mail (the address is linked on my profile page).

    ReplyDelete
  6. Welcome MVD: Check out Post No. 94b, just posted.

    ReplyDelete
  7. very good quotes Rodney was a very funny man, I liked the one from Joe N also

    ReplyDelete
  8. I definitely could relate to a few of those. They all brought a smile to my face. I'd have laughed out loud but then I might get locked up... again.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Here are some of my "old guy" favorites:
    My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old. -Gracie Allen

    At my age, when a girl flirts with me at the movies, she is after my popcorn. - Milton Berle

    You know your getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and ask yourself, What else can I do while I'm down here? - George Burns

    ReplyDelete
  10. very good quotes Rodney was a very funny man, I liked the one from Joe N also

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks much JoAnn. Check us out periodically.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi,
    And thanks for stopping by my blog.
    one quote is better than the other.
    Thanks for sharing them. They all bring
    something to think about!

    JoAnn Donahue

    ReplyDelete

"There Are More Than 2 Or 3 Ways To View Any Issue; There Are At Least 27"™

"Experience Isn't Expensive; It's Priceless"™

"Common Sense should be a Way of Life"™

Opportunity to Serve as "Guest Author"

This forum was designed to be YOUR forum for the civil exchange of ideas by people with all points of views. We welcome the submission of articles by all of our readers, as long as they are in compliance with our Guidelines contained in Post No. 34. We look forward to receiving your submissions.